Feeling numb

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
my sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
or emptied some dull opiate to the drains

This quote is close to Isabella’s story. About how her heart ached when her brothers killed Lorenzo in the forest. She turned pale and looked sickly growing thin and weak with each passing day that Lorenzo never showed. Finally she had a dream about him where he showed her his grave; the dream gave her great detail on where to look. She took her maid and went to look for the certain spot he was buried.  Eventually after looking for a long time they found his grave site and she dug, her maid feeling her sorrow helped her dig. After a little bit they uncovered his body and she wept as she found her lover in the ground. Instead of leaving all of him there so took his head with her and kept it in a pot with basil that flourished. Isabella was deceived by her brothers who tricked her into thinking that Lorenzo had left her. When she found him she was heart-broken. He had never meant to leave her, but how could he say no to the two brothers of hers when they asked him on a hunt.

She felt her pain for days to come. When someone goes missing we look constantly for them, never giving up. Her heart was heavy and the world seemed to pass by as if she was surrounded by a glass block and she could not feel the outside world. Until she found Lorenzo nothing mattered. It was like she lived under a rain cloud, it was always raining on her and when the sun peaked out and she had the dream about him she felt compelled to go and see if it was true, hoping the dream was true while at the same time hoping that is was not true. She just wanted to see him safe and alive. Instead she found him buried in the earth with no hopes of ever coming back to her again. No more listening to him or making him things. No more coming home and calling out to her loved one. She was no longer able to keep him with her.

When you lose someone like Isabella did, you feel a numbness that you cannot know how long will last. Sometimes the feeling might last a week, a day, or years. Numbness causes you to feel as if living in a fish bowl. You know things are happening around you and you feel them happening, you just don’t feel like you are a part of it. Something significant may happen, but you will never know if you are numb. Describing the feeling as numb is the best way to describe that feeling of losing something or someone.  

 Not knowing the unknown is a scary thing. To want to know everything is simply human nature. You want to know if your child one their baseball game tonight, you want to know that your spouse will make it through the night, you want to know that your love will last a life time. Not knowing is simply one thing that one must get used to. Isabella didn’t know what happened to her lover, she wanted to know how Lorenzo was, if he was doing okay, if he was not. She wanted to spend her time with him, and worried something fierce when her brothers came back when he left.

Spending our life with someone forever is a big commitment, and she felt that she and Lorenzo could do just that. She knew that they could spend together forever and never be bored or lose sight of their love.  There might have been ups and downs, but that would have made their love stronger for each other. They would have overcome these things and it would have made them better people. They would understand how it is to be with someone all the time, to share secrets and dreams and tell stories and not be laughed at. They knew they could trust each other wholly. To have no secrets between two people and you can trust them wholly and know that you will always be there for them is what they have.